I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
