I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
