Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
