I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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