playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
