I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
