I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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