absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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