If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
pop tarts are not kleenex
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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