Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
