You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
