who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
