haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So many bounce houses so little time
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
