i can't believe i had my finger in that
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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