a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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