I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
