so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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