Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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