Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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