I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize