not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
