you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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