Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
