Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
