My room smells like vodka and shame
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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