Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
