wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
