just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
