It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
