One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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