I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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