But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
