Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it was like eating out sand paper
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
