take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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