I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
