Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
this is an emotional support booty call
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
