i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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