no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
