sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
