***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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