I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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