If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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