The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
