Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
