can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I party with great urgency now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
