i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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