Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
