I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize