We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
