3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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