Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
