Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
