I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
