Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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