Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
