What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
