so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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