I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I will pee on everything he values.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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