You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
