I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
