see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
