covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
