She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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