When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
