do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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