i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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