Me. At least after what I've been through.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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