Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
