Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize