Are we in a gay sports bar?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
