she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
is wine microwaveable?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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